Week 4

I put on my Facebook page some books that could be interesting for you to read.  You can buy some of them off Anasazi.org and some on Amazon.  They all have to do with personal change, for the better.  7 Pathways and Anatomy of Peace are the two we have read so far.  We intend on reading all of the ones I posted.

This is a link to some of them, the recommended reading for parents at Anasazi
http://www.anasazi.org/library.html

Here are our letters to Tyler this week.  Time is truly flying by.

A more positive week 3

Ok Folks....I think we have PROGRESS!!!!  I am beginning to maybe relate with parents of missionaries.  My mail day is WEDNESDAY and it's ALL I think about until his counselor sends me the email!!!  This week's letter is so much better.  I'll tell you what Brian wrote in his text to me because it is perfect.

"Tyler's letters are great this week.  A large amount of progress.  Still more needed but I am happy."

Could not agree more.  Keep the prayers coming!!!!  Thank you all so much.  This experience may kill me but today I am ok.  I could not share his letter last week for privacy though I did let some of you read it.  Like I said it was brutal.  Angry.  I knew it would be but it was still hard to get.  This one is SO much better and I think I can safely share it...remember to click on the letter so you can read it better.

Awakenings, "the making of an asking"

At Anasazi they teach about things like:
"the making of a walking"
"the making of a listening"
"the making of an asking"
"having a sitting"
Awakenings

This week our letters are a response to Tyler's first letter to us which was less than pleasant.  We did feel however and were council by his "shadow" that showing emotion is good.  Even if it's anger.

Each week we are supposed to write two letters.  One is a response to his letter.  The other is to, in a way, report, or talk about the walking we are doing here at home.  Explain awakenings we are experiencing.  Have you sat and taken the time to write a sincere heart felt letter to your child recently?  Let me tell you.  It takes time and effort.  It has been so good for us.  For me it has made me slow down.  It has allowed me to connect to him as well with myself.  I have three other kids that I need to write to as well.  I think this is so important.  I am grateful for the things I am learning. These are things I have always known but have forgotten.  I have known that writing is therapeutic. Honestly after college I didn't write much anymore since there were no more assignments.  Back when I used to do this blog more regularly it was mostly to keep a record or journal of life with little kids.  After I had Jace I think Facebook and Instagram took over which is a sort of quick easy record but definitely not the same thing.  When I go back through my blog here I am soooo grateful that I kept that record.  I do not remember very much of what I wrote about.  I am a little sad that I stopped.  Now all I can do is start back up again.  I can't really make up for lost time. I did print this blog back in 2010 and will probably do that again soon since I do not scrapbook.  I used to!  But I felt like this was a great substitute....still feel that way :)

I want to take some time this week to write some letters to each of my other boys.  There.  That will be my goal for this week.  As of now I use Sunday evenings to write to Tyler because his Shadow needs them by noon Mondays.  See?  Assignments,  Deadlines.  I need them : )

This weekend was good.  My letter to Tyler outlines much of what is happening around here so that will be a record for now...Also I am not great at following directions I don't think.  I set out to write two letters like they said but ended up melding it all into one.

To view the letters you need to click on the first one and they should all come up in a window that's easier to see.

Pics from "the Trail"

 The clothes he is wearing are not his.  They only had us pack underwear.  We were given his clothes that day as they had outfitted him with everything else.  

We talked with his counselor today and she let us know the letter he wrote was definitely out of anger.  Probably trying to engage us in conflict one more time.  

She is hoping he can become somewhat of a leader among his group soon or eventually as he has that capability.  

She told us about some conversations she had with him that resembled many we have had with him as well.  Like the one where he just wants to be left alone to be himself.  When asked "who is that?"  He says he doesn't really know yet.  Of course he doesn't, he's a young 14 years old and we are hoping this can be a time of searching and finding for him in a safe environment where he can grow and discover.  

Week 2 Letter 1

Huh. Well that sucked about as bad as I thought it would.  :(    on to better days hopefully.  I knew it was coming but it's still hard to read.  Ugh

Tyler finally wrote us today.  He let us know he is not happy out in the wilderness.  He says it's lonely (that makes us so sad) and he is hungry (there is plenty of food just no cereal or burgers....) and doesn't sleep well.  He says he knows he is the family "screw up" and he is pretty angry at us still.  I was sad after reading it.  I knew it probably wouldn't be pleasant but it was still hard to read.  I guess I'm glad it's only week 2.  Painfully hard to endure, sending your child away.  I know he feels hurt and unwanted right now.  We will continue to pray and work closely with the staff.  Tomorrow we have our weekly conference call to talk about how we form a response to his letter.  It isn't sent through post, a lot of you have asked.  It's scanned in and emailed.  Tuesdays they meet with him, give him our letters and he hands his letter over and they bring it back to the office the next day and email it to us.  

I am sure he does feel unwanted.  The fact is, when I feel guilt start to set in, I am reminded of the many days and nights before he left that there was very little peace, respect or trust.  I wanted him to be able to stay and live with us so bad.  I wanted (begged)  him to make choices that would allow him to stay.  In the end, he chose to walk away from us.  He may not see that yet.  I hope he does eventually.  We could not allow him to stay here with the habits he was forming.  The path he was on was headed toward darkness.  We love him so much.  We want him to be able to feel that. To understand that even though the wilderness seems harsh, we felt we were guided and led to this program.  We feel it is divinely inspired.  He did tell us at the end of his letter that he loved us.  That is good.  He is able to write those words.  We have hope and faith.

Tyler

On February 3, 2017 Tyler had the unique opportunity of attending Anasazi Wilderness Therapy in Arizona.  The Anasazi office in Mesa, but he will be hiking and camping 3 hours north of there in the wilderness.  This was not an easy decision to make but we felt it was necessary and in the end it was Tyler who chose to go there instead of living here for a time.  We were so impressed by the staff at Anasazi.  The whole program is divinely inspired and we feel so fortunate to have found out about it when we did (thanks Gma L :)  Our thoughts and prayers are with Tyler constantly and we have yet to hear from him in the form of written letters.  He is supposed to hand them off to the staff when they come out to the trail on Tuesdays and Thursdays,  We will see when we get one :)

The staff there is specially trained in psychology and family therapy.  It is not a boot camp or military style training.  It is based on love and gift of choice.  If you want to learn more here you go.  I urge you to research for yourself.  www.anasazi.org

The clinical director there is named Nate Mitchell.  I saw one of his videos online last year at this time and thought it was amazing.  Never did I think that I would meet him in person for any reason and never did I imagine he would be helping our family in person one on one.  Brian and I were there for two days at parent orientation.  There is another man there named Micheal Sanders who is equally amazing.  We did not want to leave.  We wanted to stay and learn more and surround ourselves with these amazing people!  Alas, we had to get back to the rest of our family and relieve Gma Carla who was also significant in this whole process and we would like to thank her profusely for the help.  We were able to stay in Mesa a few extra days and soak up some needed sunshine and even went on a great little hike together.

Every Monday we write letters to Tyler.  Once we start receiving letters from him we will be responding to those but for now here are the ones we have written so far.  This is a journey for our whole family and we are all working on things that we can change to be better.  You will notice the focus is mostly on those things.  I will be honest.  We have felt a bit daunted by the assignment of writing deep heart felt letters.    Why do you think that is?  I'll tell you my opinion.  This life has gotten too busy.  To full of distractions.  It has been easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the things that I fear, that frustrate me.  It is time to dig myself out of that trap.  It is time to open up (not my forte).  It is time to dig deep and talk about the things that matter, the things that are uncomfortable.  I usually prefer to keep things light, funny and not so serious.  I am pretty sure Brian is the same way.  These are not bad habits but there are times when the serious stuff has to be hashed out.  This is what we learned at Anasazi.

Raising children is not for the weak.  Some of us may feel like we have a grasp on things.  Some of us may not.  I feel overall none of us have it figured out yet and we all need each others love, help and support.  Here are our first two weeks worth of letters. These are super personal but I don't mind sharing if it can help someone else in need.  Love to our family and friends and thanks for the thoughts and prayers.  I will say that over and over because I feel strongly that those thoughts and prayers have helped us stay strong through our times of trial.

February 5, 2017

Dear Tyler,

I am very happy to write you this letter and I am very excited to hear from you.  Since we saw you last on Friday morning, most of my thoughts have been of you and what you have been experiencing.  As you may have been told, this is a journey for you and for me.  While you are learning, so am I.

I am sorry that our last real conversation was not friendly.  I regret the harsh tone I took with you.  The last couple days your mom and I spent time at the Anasazi offices being taught.  Through this process, I have experienced an awakening.  I have reflected on many of my conversations with you and others and I believe I have approached these conversations with a heart of war rather than I heart of peace.  I am learning how to avoid this in all areas of my life.

While we were there, we were introduced to a “blanket stepping.”  Your mom and I identified things that we were willing to leave behind on the old blanket as we stepped to the new one.  Some of the things I feel necessary to leave behind are things that keep me from walking forward and other things I have chosen to leave behind were to try to experience a small part of what you have left behind.  For example, I feel that I cannot walk forward without letting go of working from home when I should be focused on family time.   I also decided to leave behind pepsi.  As you know I really like to drink pepsi, but I wanted to leave it behind to experience in a small way what you are experiencing with the food that you are eating.  I believe there will be more things I will identify to leave behind and as I recognize them, I will let you know what they are.

I also was given a trail name.  My trail name is Skystone Coyote.   I was told that the coyote is an animal that is good at adapting to change.  I am not sure that I am good at change but I am willing to try.  The Skystone part of my name has to do with a rare or valuable stone.  I cannot totally recall the entire meaning of the skystone.  I think I may have been a little distracted when this was being explained to me.  I was just glad I got a cool name.  I was pretty sure I would end up with “smelly puppy” or “bloated rhino”.   I doubt a rhino is ever used for a trail name.

Please tell me what you are doing and learning.  I am excited to know what experiences you have had both good and bad.  How are you dealing with this dramatic change?  What do you expect this journey will be like?

I am blessed to be your father and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

I miss you a lot.

Love,

Dad

  

Dear Tyler,                                                                                                                             2/5/17

My first day at Anasazi was both great and difficult.  I was so sad to see you go.  I knew though, that you would be safe and happy.  I was amazed at the people I met there.  Grandma Laraine was the one who showed Anasazi to me a while ago.  I never knew I would use it in our lives. I had just looked at it as a great place for those who needed it.  The people we met the first day were incredible.  I cannot believe the love they have for others, and the knowledge they have about so much.  My fears were calmed as I spoke with them throughout the day.  I didn't know totally know what to expect when we arrived. 

After we said goodbye to you, we were invited to an orientation for parents.  Here we learned what you would be doing on the trail.  To me it sounds amazing.  I would love the opportunity to learn the skills that you are learning.  We were able to meet with three young walkers who finished the trail last year.  We were able to ask them questions about their experiences. 

We learned what it means to walk forward.  We learned what it means to walk backward.  We learned about the people called trail walkers that walk with you on the trail.  We learned about rabbit stick, badger stone, and dawn star.  We learned about some other new things as well.  The things that touched me most were the people.  We met many staff members.  Tyler, I don't know if I have ever met such loving people in one place before.  These people are calm, happy, and desire to be helpful.  They made me want to be a better person.  I know that I need to change.  I know that as a human I make mistakes and I am so glad for the opportunity I have to change.  I believe this was the beginning of an awakening for me.

We learned about light and dark.  Becoming a being of light or becoming a being of darkness.  I learned that my choices determine which being I am becoming.  We learned about blanket stepping.  Some of the things that I want to leave on the old blanket are: fear, sadness, anger, worrying about appearances, frustration.  I am learning that my anger and frustration do not help me get through hard times.  I need to let go of dark feelings.  I need to let go of things that don't bring me light.  I need to learn to love more purely.  Once I learn to love with a pure heart I need to keep going and be constant.  I need to not let fear or anger, for example, creep in and effect the way that I am able to love.  

We have been invited to go on "a walking".  While you are there and we are here, Dad and I will be on our own journey along with you.  I am committed to change.  I am committed to continue to look inside myself and find how to be better.  Anasazi really is a gift for our family.  I love you so much and I am praying for your safe return when it is time.  I know that you are in good hands and that you will be taken care of.  I also know that you will learn amazing new skills to be able to care for yourself and others.  I am excited to be able to write to you every week.  Please remember how much I truly do love you with all my heart.  You will be always be my first son.  You will always be the child who fist taught me what true, pure love is. 

Love, Mom

I almost forgot to tell you my trail name.  Dancing Rain.  When I was there the first day I cried a lot.  I still cry each day but I think the rain part had to do with my emotional state lol.  But he also told me it was about cleansing .  The way the rain cleanses the earth and brings new life.  

These next letters were to his "Shadow"  (therapist) about his seeds of greatness...

Seeds of Greatness

Dear Bethany,                                                                                                              2/5/17

In this letter I want to let you know about Tyler's seeds of greatness.  Tyler is my first born son as I have 4 sons.  I waited 4 years after I was married to be able to have him.  We never knew it would take that long to see our fist born child.  He was perfect.  He was a beautiful new born boy born in September.  I never knew that I could love another person so much.  When I got married I knew that I loved Tyler's dad.  A lot :)  But I never knew what the love between a child and a mother would feel like.  Tyler and I spent so many hours and days together just the two of us.  

We would go on long walks in his stroller together.  We would go to the store.  He was such a happy baby.  I have so many pictures of him with the biggest smile on his face.  He was never very fussy and was a great sleeper.  As he grew I knew that he would be very smart.  He crawled by 4 months and started walking at 12.  He was speaking by about 12-18 months as well.  He would say "day-do" for thank you,"nilk" for milk, and "why-ya" for water.  Later on when he was speaking in full sentences, people would comment on how advanced his vocabulary was.  I knew he was smart. 

He has also always been so kind and gentle.  My dad is this way.  My dad had always been more quiet, kind and gentle.  I believe Tyler may take after some of his grandpa Bob.  Both grandpa and Tyler are great men.  Tyler always made friends easily.  He is and has been a sweet young boy his whole life.  Well, now his is BIG actually and is still kind, loving, gentle and sweet.  I know that Tyler has such a kind heart.  I watch him with other people and he is courteous.  I have always been proud of the fact that teachers at school never really had to call me about behavior problems.  

At home he is helpful when asked and rarely talks back.  He is rarely rude and is very respectful. 

I know that if someone is hurting Tyler will softly ask questions to see if he can be of any help.  He wants others to know that they are loved.  We tell each other we love each other every day and I cherish this.  I will miss this greatly while he is away.  Because we have always done this, I believe that we still can.  Each night we can look up in the sky and say it.  I will know that he told me and I told him "I love you."  And I do love him with all my being.  So much that it hurts.  I feel he is a part of me. at figuring out how things work best and how to build things.  When we go boating we are so grateful for his skill and knowledge because he is helpful to us in situations that might otherwise be stressful.  When his younger brothers are being silly, he has always been the mature one to set them straight :) 

One more thing about how smart Tyler is.  From a young age, once learning about something either at home, school, or maybe even church, Tyler has had great confidence in being able to recall or retell exactly what he learned.  New knowledge for him has always been an exciting thing.  Even now, I love to hear about the things he learns at school and his thoughts and feelings about it.

I live him and I miss him.

Sincerely, Tyler's Mom, Marnae Powell

Bethany,                                                                                                                  February 25,2017

Tyler is a wonderful young man and has always impressed me with his ability to think deeply and is genuinely curious about many topics.  I have often found him watching television programs of historical documentaries.  I believe he has a great aptitude to learn and retain the information he hears.  As a toddler Tyler was always exploring what was around the next corner.  This was dangerous at times because he was not concerned about limitations and he had a quiet demeanor.  I would often be outside and turn my head to notice that he had quietly escaped within a few seconds.  I would typically find him exploring the yards, sidewalks and streets that were in close proximity to our home.

I have found him to be particularly gifted at figuring out how things work, I believe him to be mechanically inclined.  As a young child Tyler was always very interested in what side project I was working on around the house whether it is fixing a dirt bike, working on a boat, or simply changing out a spark plug on a lawn mower.  He would often stand beside me and hand me tools.  Usually ones I didn’t need, but I still appreciated the help.  Today, Tyler teaches me about work he had done or will do to improve his BMX bike.  Sometimes I can’t grasp the concept because it is above my understanding.  Recently, he was helping me fix the front suspension on a snowmobile.  I was using a pry-bar to line up the bolt connection but was struggling to get it to work.  Tyler patiently asked to see the pry-bar, than quickly located the right location and pried it into place. 

I believe Tyler is methodical about the way he goes about accomplishing most tasks.  He doesn’t rush in without a plan; rather he thinks through the best way to go about a task and then executes his plan.  When his was four or five years old he would come help me operate heavy equipment.  Most children his age would grab at the control levers and violently yank on them.  Not Tyler.  I believe he had studied my hand movements prior to trying to do it himself, and he would use slow steady movements to move the bucket of a backhoe forward and back.

Tyler has a good sense of humor and a quick wit.  I believe this is a sign of his intelligence.  His ability to read, understand, and retain what he has read is very strong.  One of my greatest memories is reading the Harry Potter books with Tyler.  Even though I did most of the reading, Tyler can still recall the stories and the events that are in the book that are not in the movies.    

Tyler has a good heart and is genuinely concerned for others.  He is not quick to get angry or upset and seldom overreacts when things aren’t going his way.  I can only remember one time as a child when he got upset.  I don’t even remember what triggered it, but he went to his room (he was not sent to his room), threw a fit, probably tossed some stuff around his room and after a few minutes he came out of his room and stated in a very matter of fact way, “I got mad.”  His mother and I were nothing more than observers to the whole episode.

I am proud of Tyler and I am blessed to be his father.  He brings joy to my heart.

Sincerely,    Brian Powell 

Each week we are allowed to send Tyler 5 pictures.  Here are the ones I chose this week.  Last week I didn't send any because I wasn't home and didn't have access to them.

 July 2016 Lake Billy Chinook

 2015 All Star Tournament

 Cousin Caralynn

 Labor Day Hike 2016

"Ronnie Mac" for Halloween

Our Letters from today,  you may need to zoom in or something.